You killed me...Yea well you pissed me off..

I really do need to be better at updating this...my last entry type thing was a year and a half ago now...so much has happened since then...shortly after that last entry Dave and I broke up...it wasn't a surprise or anything like that...it was LONG over due..just wish that I hadn't wasted all the time on him that I did...I can't really say that it was a waste of time though...valuable lessons were learned. From what I hear he is still up to his same old antics...guess he got married and she left him after 2 months..sad. No, that's a lie, there is nothing sad about his life..he brings everything upon himself. I just sit here and I think about it and if I were to go into the other room and get the year book from my senior year I am sure that I could count on one hand, maybe both, the number of people in my class that haven't been married and or divorced and that don't have kids...there is one girl that I graduated with that just got engaged and this will be her third marriage and she already has three kids...all this before our 10 year reunion. I can't wrap my head around that, 3 marriages in 10 years...and here I am never married and no kids. G*ranted I have been engaged before, but I never pulled that trigger...I do want to get married and have a family, but I can't help but think that there is something to cherish about being married...as my Nan says, kids these days look at marriage as something that can be thrown away...it's something that if things aren't working out then you just go and get a divorce and move onto the next one..where when my Grandpa was alive he and my Nan were together until the day he died. They had hard times, as does every couple, but they didn't just throw in the towel and quit...just going on your third marriage in 10 years. Call me old fashioned but to me marriage is forever...for better or for worse until death do us part...like my mom and Stan..they didn't have the perfect marriage but they loved each other and were together until God took Stan from us...there were times when they fought like cats and dogs but I will never forget the way Stan looked at my mom... Then I think back to the funeral that I went to last summer of Bobby Hornsby of KPD...setting Stans funeral aside, that was the saddest funeral I have ever been to. His widows sobs were the saddest ever, granted it was a police funeral, that alone makes it sad, but hearing their kids cry and seeing them...heartbreaking...and knowing the love that they had it does give me hope..hope that there might actually be a happily ever after..call me jaded or maybe I've just kissed too many toads to know the real thing...but do Disney love stories really exist? Then i look to my right and I see the one person who makes me believe that they do...I look at my left arm and at his and see the tattoos that we have that match each other..silhouettes of mickey and minnie mouse..and I know that beyond the shadow of a doubt there is someone out there that can and does have the same beliefs that I do...he has been married once before but, I have come to find that it is rare to find someone our age (26/27) that hasn't been married yet. Guess I am a unicorn..Ha! I know it's all new and happy go lucky, but I am learning quickly that I can't be first all the time, he is a solider, so the Army comes first, but when he comes home and looks at me...it all fades away...then when I bring him his plate of food for dinner and he says a prayer...it's nice. I've never been one to bring religion into relationships much, Dave was Catholic and we would go to church every now and then but, Derek makes it a point to tell me that we are going to church on Sunday, he's not Catholic, rather non denominational, but a relationship with God is still a relationship no matter how we pray...Like I told him as long as we believe in a higher power and have the same beliefs in the after life, I am good...I know that this is a new realtionship and we have to figure out each others quirks and our ins and outs, but I truly do believe that when I met Derek my soul sighed and said "there you are I've been looking for you"...it was his idea for us to move in together and it's been his idea for me to go with him to Fort Bragg in November when he goes there after Airborne school...I know it's fast, but there is something about this that just feels right...let's just hope that this time I'm right...