1,2,3

Oh my babies...Have no fear, I have not left you...

I've just been REALLY busy...Tons of things are going on and I'm in the middle of all of them! Trying to get everything around for school to finish up for the semester...thinking about going back to Mackinac Island for the summer...what I am going to do with the 3 (yes 3) men in my life when I do go up....OHHH DECISIONS!!!

SO. Manfriend #1 Chad Jensen
He looks good on paper...just not in person. He is 32 will be 33 this year. Single. White. Male. BEAUTIFUL truck. Nice house. GREAT job. He travels for work. So that means I could stay home OR go out with him wherever he is. He makes a BOAT load of money. He spoils me rotten. He dated a friend. I've heard he's hung like no other (size matters.) and is amazing in bed.

BUT!!

He is an ass when he drinks. ALWAYS picks a fight with me about EVERYTHING when he is drunk. He is REALLY insecure (NOT COOL). He has jacked up skin and teeth. I am not judging because before I had braces my teeth looked like butt, BUT his are stained and it looks like he hasn't been to the dentist in like 10 years, and his SKIN!! (AHHHHHH!!!!!!) First off, when you are "dating" someone you should want to caress their skin and touch their face and kiss their cheeks..yea NO. When he was in high school he had REALLY bad acne (I've had some blemishes, I know what it is like to have a problem zit) but his was so bad that his face is scarred and its redder than a fat foxes ass and he has rosatia...it's just not the face that I want to cuddle up next to and smother with kisses....when I think about touching his face my skin crawls...I DON'T THINK THAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!
He just, looks good on paper..he is a nice guy, but there isn't a physical attraction. I don't get the urge AT ALL to jump his bones and just ravish him..when I am with other guys, there is that connection, his BEST friend throws me against the wall (forcefully but not abusive) pulls my hair, DOESN'T say that he wants to kiss me passionatly, HE DOES IT. Don't tell the girl that you are "dating" that you want to kiss her passionatly. Don't let her feel you shake when you hug her. Don't be nervous around her. Chances are, she is wishing that you WOULD. Kiss her passionatly, don't tell her about it. GOD! It's SIMPLE! Girls are the ones that are supposed to be scared and nervous, BE THE MAN, GRAB HER BY THE BALLS AND TAKE CHARGE!!!
Sorry about the little rant there.

But, seriously, Chad is a GREAT friend. I could call him whenever and ask him for anything and he would do it. But I guess what the problem is, is that I don't feel the same for him as he does for me and I have drug this out for as long as I can. I do feel bad, I mean I have gave him the run around for MONTHS. Made him think that there was a chance when I knew deep down in my heart that he didn't have an ice cubes chance in hell. Yes I know that I am playing a game of cat and mouse, well the cat is bored and is going to let the mouse go. But, in my defense, it is the off season for work, school is going fine, work is GREAT, home life is good, I am just bored. I've been single for a while now, and I've been trying my feet in the dating pool. Now I know that there is someone out there who WON'T let me completly walk all over him and he WILL put me in my place. And that's something else about Chad, he has let me walk all over him, ipso facto, I have no respect for him. It's not fun. Well it is, but, UGH!

I mean he is a great friend, I know that if I were to be with him that I would get everything I want/need. It's just, not there, we are to the point where it's like shit or get off the pot. I want him as a friend, but I don't think that we can be friends. For Christmas he burnt me a John Mayer CD, and one of the songs on it was Friends Lovers or Nothing. If that song makes you wonder what you and your "girl" are, BAD SIGN BOB!! I know he wants us to be lovers. He tells me that he loves me all the time. I know he does, I just don't want it.
Funny, I was wondering what I was going to do when I go back up north, I'm going to do nothing. He is in friends zone. Actually he drove himself there and parked it this weekend. I chose not to go out with him on Saturday night (4.10.10) and he ended up taking a girl home with him on Friday AND Saturday. NOPE. Not going to deal with that when I ask him if there is anything that he wants to tell me about and he knows exactly what I am talking about and does not tell me. Nope. Not dealing with that.
I have been wondering for a while now if I was going to have to be the bad guy and hurt his feelings, but he just did the dirty work for me. Easy as pie.

Manfriend #2 Sean Cole
Sean. Tall. 23. Has a 3 year old son. Skinny. RIPPED. MMA fighter. Talented. ADORABLE. *sigh* He is just ADORABLE. I can't stand it. But the only thing that MIGHT make someone gasp is he's black. When I look at him I don't see black. He is white to me.

Sean is a breath of fresh air. He is someone that I wasn't expecting to meet, our meeting was chance. He is just, comfortable. Everything that Sean is, Chad is not. When I am around Sean I don't care if my shirt is clinging to a roll (I HATE being fat), I am comfortable around him. AND, check for Chad, I even told him once that I am not comfortable around him, when I hang out with him alone I make an excuse to leave. NOT COOL. BUT back to Sean. His family is awesome. I know it's because this is something new, and we are still in the stage where neither one of us burps or farts, and everything is rainbows and skittles. I know that this will pass, BUT! I am leaving for Mackinac on May 14, and even though I do plan on taking my car up there, I don't plan on coming home all the time, so I may get to see him like once a month (which I hope I can, because then I can come home and hook up with Chad Rosset and watch the MMA fights that Sean is in, he was in one this past Saturday and WON!! He's REALLY talented) So, since we do have an "expiration" date, things will stay skittles and rainbows, and we can talk and what not while I am gone. I just don't know how well this is going to work out because I am liking him more than what I thought I was going to already and I do have the time to like someone, and I know how I am...eek...I think I have a crush...BUT I am ready for it because this June it'll be 2 years that I have been single and I'm ready to get into the dating pool again. I am almost 23 years old...soon the clock will be ticking...

Manfriend #3 Chad Rosset
Short. Well, like 5.8ish.. Chad Jensens BEST FRIEND. Married. Kids. All in all, a snake with blue eyes. That familiar taste of poison. That apple that I shouldn't bite..yea a BAD IDEA. I know. It's just kinda nice. He is TOTALLY unattainable. I don't want him. Well I do in the sense that I want to have careless sex. But I don't want to date him. Why would I? He's fucking his bestfriends girl behind his back. He's CHEATING on his wife. Who would want to be with someone who is cheating? Because I don't care what he says, if he does it with you, he will do it to you. Mark my word kids. He is just so, easy. It's not complicated. Well it is to an extent, but there isn't a relationship. We both know what we want from the other person. Sex. I am using him and he is using me. And yes, I am playing with fire, but I am not adding gas to the fire... We have talked about when I go away, and I am going away. Since I am going to be taking my car and I do plan on coming home a few times, then we will hook up, if I don't, we don't. Not that hard. It's easy. All sex aside, we have a friendship. We can meet up at our spot and either talk for hours or we can have sex for hours. It goes either way. It's kinda nice. It's like having a boyfriend. Only it's 2, well 3, it was 2, spilt 2 ways. I have someone who will take me and spend me (Jensen), I have someone who is comfotable to be with(and new, so he's not really in this whole equation, Sean), and I have someone who I can have casual meaningless emotionless sex with (Rosset), and I don't know who if any of the 3 fart in their sleep. It's kinda nice...

*SO* I think I've got it all figured out...Chad Jensen is going down the river, Sean is here to stay for now, and Chad Rosset, well tomorrow is Wednesday and I do NEED to workout with my Personal Trainer... ;) Oh what a life...as my Mackinac sister says, "Just because there is a goalie, it doesn't mean you can't score" and how I feel with Rosset is, well, there is an empty net and I'm not going to miss out on this slap shot!
While I've been working on this, I put together a playlist/cd. I'm calling it Just Listen..and I'm going to give it to Chad Jensen, since really we are the couple where music does our talking for us...it consists of:
St Patrick's Day-John Mayer
Dear God-Avenged Sevenfold
Heartbreak Warfare-John Mayer
Friends Lovers Nothing-John Mayer
Better Sorry than Safe-Halestorm
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room-John Mayer
The Bleeding-5FDP
Hows It Going To Be-3EB
Daughters-John Mayer
I'm Not An Angel-Halestorm
It's Not You-Halestorm
A White Demon Love Song-The Killers
Motorcycle Driveby-3EB
The End-The Doors
Hopefully after I talk to him about him taking the nasty girl home this past weekend, and he listens to this CD, he will get that we are done...FRIENDS. Nothing else...Well I have put off this paper long enough..it's not going to write itself...